EoD: Learning How to "Reframe" Your Interactions and Become More Attractive.
Reframing Attraction and Attraction Tests
For those of you who don’t understand frame control, well I won’t hold back. Welcome to the secret power of flirting, and really getting everything you want out of life.
Yeah, this stuff is that powerful, so take notes.
But before we jump in, we have to answer the question of, “what is a frame?” A frame is your personal interpretation of a social interaction. For example, the overall message that you get from this blog post might be completely different than another person’s perspective after reading the same material. You might be able to dig some value out of this piece, someone else might be pissed off at reading this. It is how you define what is being said.
For human beings, we do not control much in this world. The externalities of life are forever changing and evolving, and we can do nothing about them but adapt and control our behaviors. However, there is a part of the external world we can control, and that is interpreting the meaning behind what people say to us. Use the prior example as an idea of what I mean. Some people might be pissed that I wrote this, some might find extreme value, some might be indifferent. We all interpret things differently because we all have had different experiences and possess different values.
So how can we relate this to your dating life, pretty simple. Think about all the recent interactions you have had with the opposite sex. How have they gone? How have you viewed yourself within those interactions? Where you the one being chased or where you the one chasing? How did you match in the status hierarchy?
Our mind subconsciously wraps our head around the idea that we need to prove to the other person that we are a worthy partner for them. That is a one-way ticket to becoming a low status individual with lower status partners. Listen, you are worthy enough already. I mean, who wouldn’t want to date you, you are awesome. So why not come into the interaction with the frame of yourself instead of the frame that says, “I have to prove something to you.”
I learned this from one of my dating coaches. Write it down and burn it into your mind…
He who cares less, owns the frame.
It is a common misconception in society that men have to “earn” women. Sure we have to approach and show our dominate traits, but this societal norm has taken it a step further and says that we have to convince this girl that we are a worthy sexual partner.
Guess what, the reason she straightened her hair, threw on that tight black dress, did her make up, and spent three hours looking in the mirror to make sure she looks perfect is because she wants to impress you.
Looking nice and going out is her way of saying, “I am available, come talk to me because I want your attention.” If they were just going out with their friends and didn’t care about the opinion of other men, you really think they would put in that much effort to look gorgeous?
Isn’t that a much better way to look at approaching girls? That is re-framing opposite sex interactions to with a high status mindset. Congrats, you just started winning more than eighty percent of dudes out there.
Fun fact, women want to have men in their lives. Fun fact, women want guys to date and have sex with them. Fun fact, they probably enjoy sex more than we do for biological reasons.
Now, they are not going to just roll over and fall in love with you, as high status individuals (which applies to the girls who you talk to), we have standards that people have to meet in order for them to play that role in our lives.
Remember, girls don’t want to be with a low status man, she wants to go up the food chain. This means you have the mindset (frame) that you are of equal or higher status than her, and mean it. This means she needs to gain value from the interactions, because the dime a dozen chasers aren’t worth much in this world since they are so abundant. In order to avoid being the low status guy, your vocal inflections have to be in tune, your body language has to be in tune, and your dominant traits have to radiate, and whether she knows it or not, she will test these traits.
When you and a girl’s frames collide (when interaction takes place) tests usually come in the form of playful challenge that set the status hierarchy. Most guys view these tests as signs she is not interested, and what do they do? They chase more, they lose value, and therefore lose the frame. Believe me, I’ve learned the hard way.
Instead, set the frame of these tests to say, “she is interested,” because that is exactly what is happening. She is testing you because she wants to know if you are that high status male or not, if she didn’t test you, you would be in the friend zone.
How do you respond to these tests? With indifference. What is says is, “I don’t need your approval” and creates a little bit of that magical tension, which causes attraction to happen.
Jordan Peterson relates the feminine to chaos for a reason, because women are more emotionally in tune than men are. This means they care more; which means they are going to fill the emotional vacuum that you create by being indifferent to their test. To put it in English, they are going to start chasing you, and you successfully win the frame.
This is why it seems like some guys don’t even have to try to find potential partners or girlfriends, because they literally don’t care. They are stable, the don’t need to prove anything, they just see another hot girl who was put in front of them. She has to work for him, he has less on the line during the interaction, he wins the frame because he cares less.
I’ll give you an example of what I mean, I was Snapchatting a girl at work yesterday showing her the food I was cooking. She told me it looked good so good and demanded her that I should bring her food because she ran a couple miles today.
Do you see the challenge? She is creating a tension filled vacuum by claiming I have to bring her food that one of us has to fill in order for the interaction to continue.
Most guys will run into that frame and say, “I would love to bring you food!” before establishing your status levels. Remember, he who cares more loses the frame. She then subconsciously sees she has you on a string, and you my friend aren’t looking so hot. So what do you do? Act indifferent, or you playfully challenge her right back. In a world full of men who are trying to fight for a scrap of attention from a girl, flipping the challenge on her is going to make you extremely attractive.
Listen, now don’t be an asshole and act like you don’t want her around, but playfully challenge her to fill the vacuum.
So in this particular instance, I did just that. Knowing that she is a cross country runner, I told her that we couldn’t even start that discussion until she ran four during her workout with a smirk on my face showing my sarcasm. She knows she can do it; I know she can do it. It doesn’t attack her personally, the challenge was presented in a lighthearted manner.
Other examples could be if she is talking about how much she loves school to call her something playful like a “dork”, or if she with a lot of her boyfriends, to call her a one of the “bro’s”. Just remember, lighthearted, comfortable body language, not insulting, and showing indifference to outcome.
Another way to reframe is to interpret what she is saying as her hitting on you. Why? It creates the frame that you are the one being chased and therefore are of high status.
An example of what I mean is a personal favorite of mine, and sets a fun lighthearted challenge. For example, if a girl ends up buying you a drink during a night out, tell her, “thank you, but you aren’t trying to get me drunk now are you?” while holding a smirk on your face to show you are being playful.
Another example of this principle, comment on how her looks are making you like her. If she looks hot (as most hot girls do), tell her, “Stop looking so pretty because it is making want to kiss you.” This example is great because it is flirty and gives her a little validation, but also sparks a challenge because you aren’t fully validating her and giving her that kiss. Also, as a bonus, it puts the thought kissing you her mind (don’t think about a purple elephant right now, I bet you just did, okay point proven). Boom, tension up, attraction spikes, you win, she wins, the world wins.
Alright, I have to head out now, the world is calling, so if I have to wrap “challenge” up, remember these points.
Assume that women want you to attract them (they do).
You are worthy enough.
He who cares less owns the frame (there are approximately 29324723623 attractive girls in the world, this one isn’t the end of the world.).
Tests are a POSITIVE and a sign you can attract her, not a sign of disinterest.
Let her fill the vacuum with indifference.
Be playfully challenging, and become the one who is chased.
Now there is much more to know about the subject, so if you you have any questions further questions (we are just scratching the surface here), let me know via Instagram DM or @theeffectsofdating@gmail.com.
Deuces.